Sunset Into A Sunrise

Tell me, have you seen a sunset
Turn into a sunrise?
Kiss right through the night?
‘Cause we should try that sometime
Hold you ’til the mornin’
And if I said I’m fallin’, would you just reply
“I know you are, but what am I?”
– Why Don’t We, What Am I

This summer has been full of love songs set on repeat, my YouTube “Frequently Viewed” made up of music videos to my favorites, my Pinterest feed flooded with love quotes. Because it allows me to dream, pulling me away from reality into a paradise where finding love, falling in love, is a beautiful possibility.

When I have to leave that world, though, I’m left with this sadness and loneliness. Isn’t it funny how something you never even had can make you feel so heartbroken? But this sadness is tinted with a ray of hope and the taste of possibility. Because who says I can’t have the love story that I hope for in my dreams?

I’ve fallen for someone who I love talking to. The best parts of this summer have been the times I’ve spent talking with him and hanging out with him. He makes me laugh and smile. When I’m with him, I forget about all of my worries. There’s no past or future when I’m talking to him – it’s just him and me in a moment I want to last forever. And I’ve found myself falling for him, getting lost in his laugh, his smile, the way he says my name.

And I want him to feel the same way. I want him to think about me as much as I think about him. I want him to be the one I go to when I want to be found. I want his arms to be the ones that hold me. I want him to look at me like we are the only people in the world…like the only thing that matters is us and the moment. I want to see a sunset turn into sunrise with him.

Maybe that will never happen. Maybe my life isn’t meant to be a love story, and that’s okay. But no longer will I believe that I don’t deserve one. No longer will I believe that it isn’t a possibility. I won’t try to tame the butterflies in my stomach, and I’ll allow myself to smile when he texts me. Maybe he’s the one, and maybe he isn’t. Maybe he’ll only ever be a friend. But I’m tired of fighting my feelings, and I’m tired of watching the sun set each night alone. So for now I’ll allow myself to live in a dream and believe in the possibility.

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