Feeling Lost

"She's talking to angels, counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She's dancing with strangers, falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up"
- "Waiting for Superman," Daughtry

About to begin the fourth week of being quarantined and having to complete school in the confinements of my house, I’m starting to wonder if my senior year is over – if I’ll ever see any of my classmates again.

And it feels kind of weird. It’s kind of crazy how the people you’ve spent the past four years with can just be out of your life in an instant. The people you’ve spent the past four years making memories with – they’re just gone.

But isn’t that what I’ve always wanted? For as long as I can remember, all I have ever wanted is to get out of this town – to leave the people, the memories, everything behind.

So why then can I not stop thinking about the past four years? It’s not that I’m not ready to leave. Gosh, I can’t wait for the next chapter of my life to begin! So what is it? Why do I feel… lost.

I guess I had finally started to feel like I belonged. And now, possibly, it’s all gone. Without a goodbye. And I guess I’m wondering if any of those memories even mattered… was I just trying to cling onto something that was never really there to begin with?

I can’t stop dreaming of something or somewhere better. I want to find a place where I feel like I belong. I want to leave my mark on this world. I want to live. And I need something worth believing in.

We are meant to connect with others. We need that human connection to truly live. But so many of us feel alone. So many of us feel lost. And we’re just waiting for that one place, that one person that makes us feel like we truly belong.

I’ll admit I’m scared. I finally have what I’ve been waiting for all my life. I’m getting out of this town, I’m going to be with new people, and I’m starting my own life. But what if what I’ve always wanted won’t be what I hoped it would be? What if I never find my place?

I don’t know what will happen. But I have to believe that I’m not just chasing a hopeless dream. Because, after all, isn’t it the dreams written on our hearts that give us something worth living and fighting for?

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